I care more than I do and say,
Because I will to love you better…today I pray✹
Help me, Jesus, to see through your eyes,
Not to seek my own and criticize.
There’s a battle waging in my soul.
Holy Spirit, I give you love’s control.
I’m hurt. I can’t. I won’t. I’m tired!
Those thoughts…those feelings carry my soul adrift.
They beckon my love to retire
In the steams of self-pity and selfish “bliss”.
There my will finds no rest
With this will to love,
Beating deep in my chest
I, me, my, mine
Holds my love for you at bay.
I can’t love you well when my focus is plainly
“How much in my favor will this love thing play?”
So today, I choose you.
I proverbially step into your shoes
Considering you better than myself
Then our love is detoxified,
Purified, optimized past the infatuation health.
This is NOT to say that I disqualify my wants and needs
This IS to say that I choose to repent of my love-sick greed
I, me, my, mine…
Those weren’t the words of the Divine
Who bore shame, pain, and so much more
Who had all at His fingertips,
Yet for you&me, chose to become poor
So, even as I write&pray
The answer to my petition has been received
My gaze diverts from me,
As I behold the one who cleanses me of greed
In my mind’s eye I look to His selfless, nail-pierced hands.
Which then beckons me to turn my eyes to you
I will to love, because I’ve been so loved
By a Man whose life bled:
Love through what you do
Then setting my gaze on Him again
I ask, “Teach me how!”
He shows me a towel around His waste
Before His disciples I then saw Him bow
He knelt to wash their feet
As they looked on curiously from above
I imagine you, my _________, doing the same,
Curious as I wash you with my purer love
I m e m y m i n e
Has been washed by a Dove
As I now step through the barrier of self
“I will to love” changes to “I WILL LOVE.”
Yesterday was V-Day! Amid all the commercializing of one four letter word, I have been wrestling. Wrestling with the reality that my love is not as clean as I would like it to be. As I wrestled, I was brought to my knees where Abba helped me to excavated my heart and find some hidden things buried deep down in my soul. This poem, “I Will to Love” was birthed from what I found!
I know now how to show my “Valentine” I love him…today, tomorrow, till death do us part!
What’s more, the same goes for those who I encounter as I journey through this life: my family, colleagues, friends, students, and even strangers. It’s by gazing at Love Himself that I’m changed, that Holy Spirit, likened to a gentle Dove purifies my love of selfishness…if I choose to be so cleansed. Choosing to yield to such purification, I will to love changes to I will LOVE…too. “Too”, because He first loves me.
I’m still on this journey of sanctification. No, I haven’t arrived! Ask my husband! But that’s no excuse for not continuing to stay/abide in Love Himself who will finish the good work He began in me…and through me! To love is to live JoyfullyAlive in Him!
I can’t end this without sharing a link to much greater words than those I wrote above: Please follow the link to John 13. (Valentine’s Day is named after a man supposed to have been a martyr in the name of love. I know of a Man who came before who inspires my love each day, not just on V-Day. 🙂 He spoke the words of John 15. He is the voice of Love; He is Love Himself! And it is by abiding in His love that Will to Love transforms to I…WILL…LOVE! (John 15)
Now, I wonder. How has His love transformed you?